Sending Your Child to Sleep-Away Camp: Selfless or Selfish?

The other day we said good-bye to my 13-year old as he boarded a bus headed to New Hampshire.  A few weeks from now, my 11-year old will be on his way up there as well.  The summer migration to sleep-away camp has begun, as boys, girls, tweens and teens leave the comforts of home to spend their days playing sports, swimming, sailing, water-skiing and making new friends.  

Since my boys have been attending this camp for a few years now, I am a much calmer parent than I was during that first summer they were away.  “I don’t mean to sound dramatic,” I explained to a friend back then, “but I feel like someone has cut off my left arm.”  With two of my three my boys away, I felt off-kilter, like a piece of me was missing. But after a few days, I started to relax, and got used to functioning without my whole family sleeping under one roof.  The house was clean and quiet, my food bill noticeably decreased, and my third son relished his only child status for a few weeks.

Even though I am always anxious until I receive that first letter that I hope says something resembling “I LOVE CAMP,” I also know what an amazing experience overnight camp can be, having been a camper myself from ages 8-15.  On the flip side, my husband did not attend any kind of organized camp during his childhood.  He spent his summers playing baseball and riding his bike around his Michigan neighborhood, so the concept of sleep-away camp for his own kids was not a done deal.  He needed a bit of a sales pitch from me, so I gave him one—big time.  Boosts independence, self-esteem, and provides exposure to activities they can’t do at home were all reasons on my "sleep-away camp is good" list.  After we visited a few camps and saw the kids in action, my husband was finally converted to my pro-camp side.  He now says that in his next life, he wants to come back as one of our kids. A college friend of mine described his love of sleep-away camp best when he said this:

“I rank my favorite experiences in life like this: 1. Sleep-away camp  2. College  3. Everything else.”  

Of course, overnight camp is not necessarily right for every child. My parents were lucky I loved camp so much because in the community in which I was raised, every kid from age 8 and up seemingly went away to camp.  So, if you stayed home, you were going to be a very lonely girl or boy.  Fortunately, in communities like Larchmont and Mamaroneck, there are many other options for kids who don’t want to leave home such as sports/specialty camps, day camps, Flint and Hommocks camps, and Horseshoe Harbor sailing camp. 

Still, it is interesting how some parents won’t encourage or even offer overnight camp as an option to their kids. Sometimes this has to do with cost, since many of these camps are painfully pricey.  But, most of the time, the parents’ attitude is driven by what they grew up doing during the summer.  If an adult never went to camp as a kid, he or she may judge the sleep-away camp option as a selfish motive to ditch your kids for the summer.  My husband’s initial opinion was not too far from this, until I showed him the light. On the other hand, if you spent your summers away like I did, then chances are you will do anything to have your own kids experience the magic of waterskiing on a glassy lake and the opportunity to develop lifelong friendships.  When I got married, my maid-of-honor was my best friend that I met at sleep-away camp twenty years earlier.  Doesn’t that say it all? 

Many parents are okay with the idea of overnight camp, but only if the camp is a maximum of two or three weeks long.  My husband told a fellow parent the other day that our oldest son was going away to camp for seven weeks and he immediately replied, “Oh, that’s way too long.”  Maybe for him it is, but not for my son, who can’t tolerate too much downtime and whines, “Mom, I’m bored” within minutes after school lets out for the summer. Sometimes I think seven weeks is actually too short for my active son.  Maybe I should have that father spend the last three weeks of summer with my stir crazy son, when we are home with nothing to do, and then ask him if seven weeks is too long for him to be at camp.

I bet that father would change his mind if he talked to the parents who have all of their children in overnight camp at the same time.  I have friends who have had no kids at home for the entire summer because they are all away at camp.  Suddenly, the parents don’t have to hire a babysitter, they can be spontaneous and go see a movie mid-week or cook and eat what they want, when they want or maybe decide not to cook dinner at all.  One friend described his summer without kids at home like this: “It’s like being in college again, except this time you have money.”  I have another friend who joked with me that she would have to enroll herself in Alcoholics Anonymous at the end of her kid-less summer of partying.  So, let me see now….the kids are having a fun and memorable experience at camp while the parents are having a fabulous time at home?  Sounds like a win/win to me.  Sign me up!