What is the meaning of a Bat Mitzvah? Technically, it means “daughter of the commandment” and marks the age at which one is expected to know right from wrong. In New York, it could mean something entirely different.

My parents threw me a lavish celebration at a catering hall replete with live band, Viennese Table and candy cart. Now I'm the parent, and I am determined to do things a little simpler and a lot cheaper. But in Westchester, that's not easy. I have heard stories of parents selling a car just to afford the affair. I'd love to unload my 10-year old minivan, but I don't think that would even pay for flowers. One D.J. told me that the prizes at another party were Mac laptops.

Everything seems more expensive when you mention the words wedding or Bar Mitzvah. OK, anyone who knows me knows I'm frugal—or cheap if you ask my husband—but come on, a second mortgage? One less car?  One less kidney? Where does it stop?

So here was my plan. Let my daughter choose her venue and just have a kid’s party. No fancy food, no fancy band and no open bar to worry about. Her choice of invitations would be in the “printable” section, and party favors would have to be under five dollars. The food after the ceremony would be a simple bagel brunch and the kids would have pasta—her favorite anyway—at night. Sounds simple, right? Ha, ha, ha. I used to plan and coordinate the wrap party for Sesame Street. I should have known better.

The reality is, like property taxes, nothing in Westchester comes cheap. But there is only so much I'm willing to do myself when I know I'll have a nervous teenager and excited grandmother on my hands. So I'd like to impart any advice I can for the next parent who can't spend what's left of their retirement savings on life's milestones. And, if I can spare you a trip to the doctor for a prescription of Valium, I've done my job here.

First of all, I had a total budget in mind and intended to stick to it. I then assessed what costs were non-negotiable. The cost for the Temple is what it is—done. Next, I tried to figure out what our priorities were.  Thankfully, my daughter and I were on the same page, which was impressive given we are rarely in the same book. Fun was key.

• Venue: Neither of us wanted a formal catered affair at a country club or catering hall. We wrote down my daughter's hobbies, sports and general idea of what was fun. Ultimately, we chose The Rock Club in New Rochelle. A friend of mine had a party at a skating rink and another had one at a local pool. Look in any of the free parenting guides, local magazines or internet for ideas. If the weather is warm, check out some of the parks that have spaces for parties. Crawford Park in Rye Brook has a beautiful house, baseball field and playground.
• Food: While we want the food to be good, the reality is that the kids will just want to grab and go. Many of the local delis and Italian restaurants cater as well, so it was just a matter of which menu looked the best. Believe it or not, it is more expensive to have a very small catered bagel brunch in the afternoon than a large casual menu of food at night. That is why I decided to buy the most expensive foods at Costco and platters for them at the Christmas Tree Shop. It will literally save me hundreds of dollars.
• Music: We are going with ESU Entertainment for one big reason—beside the glowing recommendations—they didn't make me feel bad about having a budget. Since the main attraction is climbing, we only wanted someone to play music and keep the party going. I was truly honest about my budget and ideas when I interviewed prospective D.J.'s. and D.J. Rob listened to my needs, laid out all my options and put my mind at ease. Don't ever be afraid to negotiate, because if you're in a reasonable ballpark, they'll work with you, and if not—move on.
• Photographer: Of course at the last minute I decided to hire the D.J.'s photographer just to get rid of that nagging voice in my head that sounds a lot like my mother's. But again, instead of a formal photo album, I'm going to get the photos on a disc so I can print out what I want and however many I want. Family members who would like photos can do the same without going through the hassle of paying for a photographer's markup.
• Party Favors: Internet, internet, internet. This was not a priority for either my daughter or myself. She loves chocolate, so I bought chocolate bars at Costco and I am having personalized labels made online. The budget was no more than five dollars per child and I'm sticking to it. You'll be surprised what you can find in that range. I'd rather donate the money to charity than send kids home with a favor they won't use.
• Flowers: Flowers are expensive, case closed. So we chose family-run Mamaroneck Flowers to do the two arrangements we needed simply because they came in on budget and were incredibly nice. Again, for the brunch tables, I'm buying bud vases at Christmas Tree Shop and a couple of tulip bunches at Trader Joes. My friend made her centerpieces from fake flowers from Michaels and can now save them for the next affair.

Moms, what have you done to keep expenses down for your kid's parties?  Log in and leave your comments below and get the conversation started.